


All I have

by Ailward



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Angst, Attraction, Badass Eren Yeager, Bruises, Dark Past, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gay Panic, Happy Ending, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Memories, Murder, My First Fanfic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Regret, Romance, Secret Organizations, Secret Relationship, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Therapy, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-03 23:06:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17886830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailward/pseuds/Ailward
Summary: A story about a mentaly ill mass murderer Levi, mostly known as "The Cleaner" and his therapist Dr. Eren Yeager literally noone asked for. Still, here ya go. Give it a shot for me and tell me what you think about it. First time writing a fic, god help me.





	1. The Beginning

They brought him into a poorly illuminated room. Levi had no idea what time it was after being in an old, dirty cell for so long. It could've been days, weeks or even moths. Time felt relative. He stopped waiting for someone, anyone to come and rescue him from this maddnes, to save his sanity. They kept him in a filthy hole in the middle of nowhere for too long.  
This is the end, he thought, as they laid him on a cold table, their filthy hands wrapped in plastic gloves undressing him. He never felt more used, dirty as he did in that exact moment. He waited for the pain, a pinch in his neck that he was so used to by now. It made him forget all the lies they filled his head with, the voices finally shutting down. The pain however never came.  
He noticed strange, unsual silence as he slowly opened eyes. The room was still mostly dark but people had left. He sat down on the table, wearing nothing but clean white briefs as he noticed a dark figure at the corner of the room. Suddenly he was illuminated by an ugly industrial light. The chills ran down his spine and Levi had to blink to adjust to the light. He was finally able to see after all this time being in the dark. And what he saw took his breath away.  
The mysterious figure slowly moved into the light and all Levi could think about were captivating green eyes that belonged to a handsome and strangely innocent face of a stranger.

"My name is Dr. Eren Yeager and I have exactly seven days to cure your illness" man softly spoke, his voice strangely alluring.

Eren looked young, way too young to be a doctor. He was also way too clean and vibrant to be stucked in a place like this. Levi couldn't even start guessing what a man this young had to do to get stucked in a place like this. He almost felt bad for him. Levi was still looking at his face, searching for a reaction as he moved closer to the stranger. He stopped mere inches from Erens face and softly puffed at his mouth. That finally brought desirable reaction as Eren flinched and stepped back.

" You can try, doc" Levi wispered in his ears, watching with satisfaction at shivers running throught Erens body. "But no matter what you do, you can't break me. They tried so many times, they did everything they could've think of. In the end I was still the one standing here. I ain't going nowhere, doc. And it looks like you're stucked with me. So take your best shot. " 

Levi smirked at him. In all honesty, he was tired. Tired of people and their stupid mindtricks, their false confidence and harsh words. Eren was a nice change but inside, they were all the same, no matter how pretty their faces were. All he had to do was wait until Eren lost patience and his facade broke. It was always that easy. All people were evil and fucked up inside. There were no good guys left. He learned that hard way. 

To his surprise, Eren just gave him a sad smile. 

"I'm not sure if you've heard me right, Levi. I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to cure you. " His voice was calm and patient. He picked a chair Levi didn't even notice was there and put it next to a table he was sitting on. "So why don't we begin?"


	2. Perception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erens side of story. Mostly.

Eren had no idea what to expect as he walked into a well secured room that now officially belonged to his psychiatric sessions with The Cleaner.  
He had no idea why he was assigned to one of the biggest threats known to the mankind. He was thrilled about it.

That's what he was made for, what he was trained for since he was a kid. He was Grisha's only kid after all and not everyone survived Grisha's training. Once his father set his mind on something, no one was able to stop him, not even his wife. After the first incident no one wanted to get in his way, questioned his morals or spoke about it.  
His father was sure that doctors, specialists would have to go through the same situations as their patients to truly understand them.  
So they took in stray kids, orphans no one would miss and trained them alongside Eren. Ones who survived were never the same. 

As a 21 years old male he had a degree in psychology and medicine, fully trained in combat and educated about all the threaths known to the human race. No matter how merciless training he was put through, Eren knew he wasn't made for killing, hurting others. Not like Mikasa, he thought. He still missed her.  
Instead, Eren was good at healing. Bringing good out of people, no matter how dark their minds were. It was a gift, his mother said so many times. But she was gone and all Eren was left with were sad, empty memories of his loved ones.  
"Stay alive." he still heared her voice, her softly spoken words. It if wasn't for her, he would've already be dead. He was sure of it. 

He was thinking about family as he opened the door, rather curious of how the infamous Cleaner looked like.  
Sweat trickled down his neck as he walked into the cell. A dark figure was laid on the cold table, wearing nothing but cheap, syntetic briefs. They undressed him, Eren observed quietly. It was never good for a patient to feel threatened. That wasn't how he imagined their first meeting, he thought as he turned the lights on. 

Levi had a fairly small figure, his body sickly pale and full of bruises. He had uncut black locks that looked rather filthy. Nevertheless, shorter man by no means looked bad. His sharp facial features came along nicely, focused grey eyes emphasizing his somewhat unsual beauty. Eren felt his heart racing as their eyes met.  
He swalloved and finally introduced himself. 

He expected different reactions, silence or anger on top of his list. What he did not expect was seduction, unusual playfulness in ravens voice. It was an entirely new thing for him. It scared and captivated him at the same time. He knew from the beggining, ever since he started analyzing older man, that he was different, smarter than others. He just wasn't sure how different he truly was.

"So why don't we begin?" he asked, finally stopping his chain of thoughts. 

Smaller man sulked into his frame, visibly bored now.  
"Your name is Levi, correct?" Eren's voice was stedy as he patinetly waited for an answer. They spent quite some time staring at each other until Levi finally spoke. "Can you stop asking for shit you already know and tell me what you're really after ?"  
Eren hummend and crossed his legs, otherwise made no other sound than that. "For now all I need is your name and I'd highly appreciate if you would stop resisting."

"How about you kindly fuck off and get over it already?" Levi spoke in a sharp tone.

"You don't have to make this any harder than it already is, Mr. Levi. You've been terribly mistreated from the beggining, but rest assured, no one will hurt you as long as I'm in charge. But since you didn't make any kind of disapproval, I'll call you by your name."  
Smaller man just looked at him and remained silent. 

After that more questions came, on which Levi answered mostly with snarky remarks or silence. He had to admit, it was kind of a nice change, at least Eren didn't threaten him yet. Everyone had limits and Eren would, he was sure of that, get bored of it eventually. All he had to do is wait, he reminded himself yet again.

In the end of the session they looked exhausted. None of them wanted to give in, crumble under the pressure of other's piercing stares.  
Shivers ran down Levi's spine as he suddenly realised how cold it was in the room, he almost forgot about his nakedness. Neverthless, he felt sweaty and itchy all over the body. Familiar need to scrape the sweat off his body was almost irresistible.

Both of them were visibly relieved when Eren finally left the room. They knew it was going to be same process all over again tomorrow. Levi had to do better. So did Eren, if he ever wanted to break his facade.  
When they finally put shorter man in the cell all he was able to think about, before he fell asleep, were fierce green eyes. 

Seven days suddenly felt awfully long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, chapter two :). Please leave a comment down below if you find any issues with the fanfiction. Any ideas for it are highly appreciated !


	3. Lost in the Moment

Tuesday. 

When Levi finally arrived at their session Eren was already there. His hair was messier than usual, dark bags under his green eyes a little bigger. Levi smirked. At least he wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep well last night.

"I brought you food", Eren said with a pleasant, almost welcoming voice. "Thought you might want to eat something else than the crap they're serving here."

Levi had to agree. Food here was awful, everything had a bland medical taste. Not that he ate much since he got here anyways. He was able to count all of his ribs just looking down on his body.  
He often wondered how hard would it be to escape with his increasingly weakened body, if it was even possible. It would've worried him if he didn't have other problems. Like having an escape plan in a first place. 

"Thanks", he said suspiciously. 

He still wasn't sure if Eren would actually try and poison him, but he was tired and desperate for some real food. He picked an apple from the plate and wiped it with his clean shirt.  
He found clean clothes at the door of his cell when he woke up in the morning. He often saw other cells having them neatly folded but they forced him to wear filthy and sweaty clothes most of the time. He knew it was their way of fucking with his head.  
A guard on the duty probably forgot they didn't allow him to wear anything somewhat clean. It took him some time to convince them to let him use the lavatory since his time in the washroom was scheduled later in the evening. He picked them up as he returned to the cell. He couldn't remember the last time he was somewhat clean and he suddenly felt much better as he put them on. 

They sat in silence for some time, both in their own thoughts, Levi was slowly chewing on the apple, simply enjoying the fresh taste.  
He didn't sleep at all last night. His thoughts kept coming back to Eren, leaving him awake as he desperately tried to figure him out. For now younger man remained a mistery. He couldn't find anything suspicious other than his unusualy young and pretty face.  
And he defenitely didn't think Eren was pretty, he reminded himself. Still, Eren showed nothing but courtesy towards him. He was almost… nice.  
He dismissed the thoughts as quickly as they appeared. No one here was even close to being nice. This whole place was fucked up, he still had no idea where he actually was.

He pushed the plate back towards doc and they both watched as it slided softly over the metal table. 

"So, I was wondering. Where the fuck actually am I?" Levi finally broke the silence. Eren's intensive green eyes looked up at him in surprise.

"Oh, they didn't tell you? I should've figured that out, I'm sorry." He had some decency to make an apology sound honest, Levi had to admit it. 

"Yeah, they aren't particularly chatty. At least not in my presence", Levi huffed. "I've been here for god knows how long and all you people did was treat me like a fucking animal from the beginning. Do you actually think I'm this stupid I'll fall for your little trap, after all the torture they put me through?"

Eren frowned. "What are you talking about?" He looked so confused older man wanted to laugh. Or scream out of frustration. Maybe both. 

"I'm not sure where you people got this idea, but I am not homosexual, doc. Your pretty words and handsome face mean nothing to me. If they're so desperate they sent you to get close to me, I have to admit, it is an unique method I wasn't expecting, but just as any other, it won't work on me."

Eren's eyebrows lifted and he looked rather dumfounded. Levi couldn't help but notice a fait blush spreading on his cheeks as realisation upon Levi's words hit him. 

"I truly admire your brightess, Levi, however, I have to admit your conclusion took me by surprise. I can guarantee you that is not, and will never be a method I'd participate in.", he said when he recovored, voice shaking from surpressed laughter.  
Levi was at loss with words. He couldn't find any reason why they would send Eren if not for that. He was missing somekind of a clue and it irrated him. 

Younger man stilled on the chair and thoughtfully looked at raven. 

"Honestly, Levi. They did everything they could've thought of. Even their most painful methods didn't work on you, not that you remember much since you were severly drugged every time. They simply ran out of ideas. That's where my role began. They told me I have to somehow cure you but I don't think you're mentally ill at all, excluding mild mysophobia. It doens't happen often that we're not able to get information out of prisoners. In fact it happend only twice since 1970s and you've been there for 3 months, kept in the dark, mentally and physically abused" Eren said with calm, subdued voice.

"I truly belive you're not a psychopat and there's nothing wrong with your conscience or emphaty. You're just extermly good at surpressing any kind of emotions, therefore your motive for killing all these people remains a mistery."

Raven stayed silent. He didn't dare to speak, give any kind of clue Eren's guessings were right. It felt more like a normal conversation than anything else every time Eren spoke, he had a pleasant voice that radiated calmness. Levi wondered how much younger man actually knew. More than he was ready to give out, that was for sure. He wouldn't be surprised to find out doc was analyzing his every move since he got here. 

He felt panic rising in his chest as he thought about it. He needed a good escape plan, as fast as possible. He got pretty used to the place he detested with his whole heart in months since he was brought here. He knew all of the corners and rooms he passed from the day they brought him. Still, he couldn't find an opening, a way to escape. Every time he tried to escape by force, guards successfully stopped him, they were stong, fast and armored so he never stood a chaace. 

He still remembered the day he was caught. They drugged him hard. When he woke up in a cold, empty cell, he had no idea where he was or who brought him there. For the first few days, all he recived was sickening food he didn't touch until the point of starving. Every time he tried to talk with guards or other emplyees who were passing by, they silently ignored him. At least he had a shower and some furnishings in the cell which made it seem a little more comfortable. A few weeks into, when he still counted days since his arrival, he discovered cameras hidden in the cell. They were watching him all the time, he realised. It made him feel dirty and exposed so he searched for every single one and destroyed it.  
When guards finally came into the cell he fought them viciously, knocking two of them down before they paralyzed him. 

They moved him into another cell quickly afer the incident. It didn't have a shower or any other furnishings than a small, uncomfortable bed. He was going crazy because of the filth, it was all he was able to think about. They let him out of the cell once a day in a small lavatory that was placed in the next corridor, which didn't have a shower either, so he had to wash himself as effective as he was able to in a small basin. 

"Anyways, you're in a Fort Slava Penitentiary." Eren disruped his chain of thoughts. "It's actually only a small, distant ward that belongs to the UFG organisation. I don't think you've heared about it, we mostly keep it undercover. You were brought here on 25th of June at around 3:30pm. It is 11th of September, around 11 am."

Older man looked at him in surprise . He should've asked him at their first meeting, he just didn't expect Erens honest answers. 

"Who captured me? And how did they know where that I'd be there? It must've took a lot of preparation, they were quick and efficient. I didn't stand a chance."

Eren hummend. "You left a pattern. It took us a lot of analyzing, we even built a team tha specialised only on cases related to you. We found some traces you forgot to clean. One led to another and they found you, belive me or not, accidentally. They were serching for evidence all over the area. It was a group of our well trained specialists, who I cannot name. That's all I can tell you."

"Alright. Keep your secrets." He scowled. He was actually still surprised by the truthfulness of Eren's words. It felt rather unsual after all this time spent in the dark, without anyone giving him the slightest bit of truth.

Eren looked at him with a calculating look. "I need some answers Levi. Help me understand. Please." He said with a serious, yet soft voice. 

They stared at each other for quite some time . 

"Fine" Levi finally said.


	4. Breathe

"Where were you on the 9th of March at around 10pm?" He asked.

Levi was quiet for some time as he tried to recall any memories from that night. He couldn't remember anything special. It was probably just another boring day of filling out some paper works. 

"I have no fucking idea, doc. Probably nothing that should be concerning you or anyone else. Why are you asking?" 

Eren knew he couldn't belive him completely, older man was probably lying to him about everything he said until now. Still, his voice sounded honest and Eren was finally getting some answers out of him, even if they were only lies. it was better than anything they achieved in months since they captured him. So he decided to tell the truth as he dismissed his thoughts, screaming at him how dangerous that was.

"There was a fire in the apartment on Suthern Boulevard street on that day. Cops found two dead bodies that belonged to Mrs. Anna Krutz and her daughter, Victoria Krutz. They were in the living room while it happend and the fire spread extremely fast, blocking the doors so they couldn't escape. When the firefighters arrived 15 minutes after their neighboors called about the incident, it was already too late. They died in a painful way. A week later investigators found some evidence that led us to belive the fire wasn't accidental, but rather a first degree murder.

"I didn't know that." Levi said as he looked at the younger man. He really had no idea about it. But he remembered that bastard Ronald Krutz and knew it had to be somehow connected.

"But you do know who Mr. Krutz was, right?" Eren asked him with a stiff voice. His eyes were focused and calculating, like he was trying yo analize Levi's every move. "After all, you're the one who killed him."

Levi couldn't quite look at his eyes, so he stared at his small hands that rested on his legs. They were sweaty and almost as pale as the walls behind him.

"Yes, I did. But I still don't know what are you implying to." He knew they already had all the evdience they needed, so him comfirming the murder was nothing groundbreaking.

"They were his family. The only survivor was their 17 years old son, Arnold Kurtz. He commited suicide two days after the death of his mother and sister. Quite a tragic story, I must say." Eren answered. "So I wonder Levi. What could a man, who, as far as we know, had no connection to you whatsoever, do so outrageous for you to wipe out his entire family?."

Levi just looked at him with disbelief. "You actually think I killed all those people?" He felt sick in the stomach. No wonder they treated him like an animal if they suspected him for killing innocent kids. 

"Give me a reason to belive you weren't behind it, Levi." Eren said as he looked into his eyes with an intense stare.

"Ronald Krutz was an evil bastard that needed to be killed for good." Levi said with a firm voice. He regretted some of the choices he made through life, but killing that man was not one of them. "His family however had no connection to his work."

"What do you mean by it?" Eren asked, it looked like he finally showed some interest in what Levi was saying. "Mr. Krutz was described by his coworkers as a hardworking, ambitious man. His job was at the Council for Sustainable Development and was also a part of the Active Saving of Natural resources that launched last year. I don't get what's wrong with having a decent job and a good relationship with people around you. 

In moments like these Levi realised how young and naive Eren actually was. He wanted to laugh at his face and tell him how fucked up the world actually is. To destroy his ridiculous faith in humanity, wipe the curiosity and brighntess out of his stupidly beautiful face. Instead he decided to tell him the truth. He was careful with his words, giving out only harmless facts.

"This so called ASNR organisation is just a cover for one of the biggest human trafficking bases in the world. If you'd actually dig it up, you'd find quite interesting facts." 

"Go on" Eren said.

"First of all, If you search for the location of it, the postcode literally says it's in the middle of the ocean. And yes, it might've been a mistake but the employees have fake indentities as well. These people don't actually exist, like their main base doesn't. I belive they are divided into smaller sections for safety reasons. They are paranoid someone would find out, since it already happend before.  
It's actually quite convenient and smart if you think about it. Their sponsors are the buyers or resellers and the organisation recives the payment through donations. If you check out their bank history, all the accounts who transferred money are different, but the amount of money is usually similar. There's only one company that is a constant donator, probably their main source. It's lead by Ronald M. Jackson whose father started Globex Corporation in the 70s. It was charged for human trafficking in the late 80s and pretty soon after that the whole corporation disappeared into a thin air. Ofcourse, that's not what happend. They took some time to lick their wounds and wipe their history clean so no one ever noticed the connectoion.  
Do you even realise what kind of a threat a rising underground organisation is? I had to do something about it, doc, because no one else would. That much is clear."

"How can you be so sure Mr. Krutz was a part of it?" Eren asked him, he looked rather unconvinced and skeptical.

"Krutz and Jackson met for the first time in January, last year. I've been already searching for any kind of traces before it happened, so I was ready for it. Their meetings became regular, they always met a month before every donation was made. It was actually quite simple, once I've figured out the pattern. It was obvious they were the ones who kept the whole thing rolling so I had to wipe them out." He finished talking and stared at the other side of the room with a bored expression on his face as he waited for Eren to reply.

"You could've just made all of this up." He finally said.

"I could've" Levi said. "But I'd need one hell of a imagination. Why would I lie to you anyways? It's not like you're able to do anything about it." 

"I'll check it out. Still, even if you're right, that doesn't by any means justify your actions." Levi gave him a short nod in return.

"However, it is impossible for one person to keep a track of everyone that could've been a potentional threat, no matter how capable they are. I belive you had some help, Mr. Levi. In fact, I think you are a part of some kind of underground organisation. And I need some names. Anything." He stared at Levi with piercing eyes, challenging him to deny the truth. 

Eren knew too much, older man realised as the panic bloomed inside his chest. Levi knew doc was smart and observative but suddenly, he became far more threathening than anyone else. He had to do something about it, fast. Make him forget it or successfully change theme of their conversation. Luckily, he was good in doing that.

"You would be a brilliant partner, doc. Always so observative." He said with a smirk on his face. "I bet you'd be even better in other career choices. Did you ever consider being a criminalist, or maybe maybe a lawyer? He asked him. "So why do you work in a place like this, doc?" He asked.

"Simply, to catch and study guys like you. Idealists, who think the world can be changed by their actions, not giving shit about how much harm they cause in the process." Eren answered him. His voice was still not unfriendly but it lost it's previous hosiptality. Levi knew he was telling the truth. He noticed a key slipping from Eren's procket as he leaned across the table. He saw the opportunity and knew he probably won't get a better chance to escape. 

"Yeah, I get that you want to be some kind of a hero. But there's so little emotion in you, doc. Such professionality. So what was it that made you this way?" Levi asked with a wicked expression. "It must've been your childhood. Or did you never get the recognition you wanted? You daddy never gave a shit about you?" He spitted the last words out.

He saw Eren freeze for a second as his breath hitched and Levi knew he found his weakness. It was his time to strike. 

"Stop. You have no idea what you're talking about." Eren said with a hardly managed voice. 

He leaned even closer, his mouth almost touching Eren's ear as he whispered "Oh thats what it is, isn't it? You're trying so had to made him proud, cause' you've never been enough, no matter what you did. You want to prove you weren't a mistake." Levi said, his hand sliding over the table towards the pocket on docs suit.

Before he even had a chance to grab the keys Eren slammed his body on the table. Suddenly, he was on top of Levi, holding him down with the strength Levi had no idea he possesed. 

They stared at each other, both of them breathless, their faces mere inches apart. Eren had golden circles around irises, older man noticed. It made his eyes even more alluring, Levi felt like he could get lost in them. They just laid there, breathing and looking at each other, none of them being able to look away from another. Levi was hyperaware of everything concerning Eren in that moment, from the small drops of sweat on his forehead to the tremble of his fingers that were pressing him down. 

Just as suddenly as it started, it also ended when Eren quickly, yet gently released him and took a step away from him. His eyes were wide and steps a little shaky as he wordlessly walked out of the room and shut the door.

What the fuck just happend, Levi thought as he droped his head down on the cool table. Everything felt so confusing in that moment, but one thing was for sure. He ruined his chance to escape yet again, and time wasn't on his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated!❤️


	5. Wake up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I'm too tired to check for any mistakes. I'll fix it if you find any. Thanks.!

Wednesday.

When Eren woke up in the middle of the night, the first thing he noticed was unusual coldness. He sat on the bed, his breath cloudy as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He looked around and sensed a nostalgic feeling in his chest. When he was finally able to recognise the shapes around him he realised he wasn't in his usual, well kept room. 

No, the one he was in was much smaller, instead of one bed with neatly folded sheets it had two smaller ones. They were both messy and it looked like a person who slept in the other bed left not long ago, as shape the of their body was still printed into the sheets. He stood up, noticing he wore only white briefs, the coldness in the room causing shivers running down his spine. He walked across the room to the door and pressed on the metallic hook. 

Nothing happened, the door didn't open no matter how many times he tried, it was obviously locked. He looked around the room, searching for anything that could help him get out of it.

First thing he noticed were two wooden desks put in the right side of the room. There was an unusually empty space on the other side, like one of them was originally placed there and someone intentionally moved them together. His finger slowly ran down the smooth surface of the wood as he suddenly remembered. 

That was the first room he got together with Mikasa. It happend many years ago, so long he almost forgot about it. They were young kids, ambicious, full of life and unquestionable faith that things will eventually turnon the better side. Kids who belived they had all the time of their lives, that they were the ones who decided what their future will be like. They were so foolish, Eren thought. 

He searched through the drawers next to the table, he remembered they used to have a spare key in it. They weren't allowed to have it but he and Mikasa kept one anyways. His sister stole it the first day they arrived and Eren still had no idea how she did, it but he didn't bother to ask. She didn't like the place any more than he did.

He heard soft footsteps behind him and he immediately turned around, facing the intruder. Young man drew a sharp breath, heart slamming inside his chest as he looked at his sister for the first time in years. Mikasa was standing at the door, wearing a long patient gown. Her skin was pale and her otherwise beautiful dark hair messy. She was different than Eren remembered her, her face way too bony and sickly for his liking. Before he even had a chance to say something, anything, she spoke with a rough voice. 

"Eren, don't do this. Don't let them take me, please. " She begged, her voice shaking, her ever so confident eyes on averge of tears.

Green eyed boy still had no idea what she was talking about. 

"Mikasa.. what do you mean?" He finally asked. 

"Dont let them take me, Eren!" she all but screamed at him, every word filled with desperation.

Eren watched like it was in slow motion as rough hands, covered in plastic gloves, grasped her small waist and pulled her away. He ran towards her and desperately tried to grab her hand, but it was too late. Their hands were too strong, too powerful for him. He watched as they took her and slowly dissapeared into the distance.

 

Eren suddenly woke up, his body sweaty and shaking as he sat up on the bed and grasped for breath. His hair was all over the place, sticking at different angles as the vivid images of the dreams echoed in his mind. His shirt was uncomfortably sticking to his back as he took some time just to breath and calm down. It was just a dream, he reminded himself as he laid back on the bed. 

He thought about the day his life changed, when everyone he trusted and loved left him, when it was like was losing his mother all over again. Except his mother wasn't there when he was put through all the torture, Mikasa and Armin were. They were in the same situation as him for many years, he often felt like they were the only ones who truly understood him.  
Eren despised people who did that to him and many others, but when it came to a deciding moment, he couldn't betray him his father, no matter how much he hated that man. A part of him broke when he chose to trust Grisha over his friends. After all those years, he still held himself responsibile for their deaths. 

He visibly shook as he thought about Mikasa, her raven hair and exotic, yet beautiful face still vivid in his memory. And he couldn't help but think about certain somebody with the same raven hair and piercing grey eyes.

He thought about Levi's small, yet elegant frame, way to skinny for his linking as he laid on his bed, staring into the empty ceiling. He thought about his long fingers and imagined how soft and smooth their pale skin would be, about his small nose and chopped, but still charming lips. He knew Levi was strong from the beggining, but only in the last days, when he met him in person, he realised how tough mentally and physically Levi really was. Just as he started recalling memories from yesterday, when he pinned him down he dismissed his thoughts about older man at once. What he did was wrong and unprofessional, he let emotions control his actions. And that's probably exactly what Levi wanted, he knew that. 

God, Eren was a mess. 

He finally got up from bed and walked into the bathroom, yawning in his way in. It was still early in the morning and he had an appointment with Dr. Hange at 9 am. She was one of the new doctors they recruited last month since Nile and Berthold had gone missing.

He never officially met her but others said enough about her. From what Eren heard, she was a very straight forward person with no sense of personal space at all. Eren had no idea why would any sane person work as a doctor in a prison like this, not that he had the right to judge others decisions. His were already quite questionable and he was still looking forward meeting her. 

His first impression of Dr. Hange was confusing, to say at least.  
When he entered her office he expected a clean, well organised room. Instead, she turned it into some kind of a research room, all four walls were covered in different files, newspapers and data so there was no empty space left. In the middle of it was a massive wooden table, full of leftover food and empty coffe mugs. There were weird medical instruments and blood samples at different corners of the room, like they were put there in a hurry, without any sense. 

"Welcome, you must be Eren Yeager. " She said as she invited him in the office.

"Hi, just call me Eren, please. " He answered as he stood in the middle of the room, not knowing what to do. 

"Come, sit down. " She pointed to what was apperently the only chair in the room. Eren did that and she gave him a big, almost predatory smile. Something about her exuberant expression told him to run.

"So you're here for a normal checkup, correct? "

"Yes' doc. " Eren nodded . 

Dr. Hange searched through a big, jumbled pile of files on her desk. When she finally found it, she quickly scanned the file with her sharp, unsually big eyes. 

"So were there recently any complicatons with your health?« "

"No, ma'am. It's been good for quite a while. I feel great physically. " She gave him a calculating look, like she wasn't sure if he was telling the complete truth. She must've known, he thought. About the procedures that were made on him months ago. He was still in a recovering stage, so he was proscribed of any harsh physical activity, including his basic training. It really took a nerve on him, since he always found it relaxing.

"Alright, of course Eren. " She still made a normal checkup routine on him, as well as measured the blood pressure and body temperature. 

"Well, you seem perfectly fine to me. I'd still like your blood sample, just in case. " She said with a toothy grin which was absolutely horrifying. 

He only felt a small pinch as the needle pierced through skin. They sat there and chatted until she fully filled the third tube with his blood. 

"Oops , I might've taken a little too much." She said with a voice that showed no regret at all. "If you feel dizzy you may lay down. I'll just put the sample away and bring you some water. "

"No,it's fine, really. I should defenitly go, thanks doc. " He thanked her as he hurried to the door. Not that he ever wanted to admit it, but this strange woman scared the shit out of him.

She took quite some time checking him, he noticed as he looked on the clock. His session with Levi was starting soon. He hurried to the cafeteria and picked up a plate of food that was specially prepared for him, since he needed certain proteins in his body while it was still recovering. He brought one more with him, thinking that Levi might be hungry and waited for older man to show up. 

When Levi arrived he wore his usual frowning expression, but his eyes visibly lit up as he took notice in the food in front of him.  
Eren gave him a small, almost non existant smile as he welcomed him. Yesteday he checked the files about everything Levi told him as soon as he arrived in the office. It wasn't really a surprise when his story added up. Later on he made some calls and apparently authorities took it quite seriously since they sent out an investigating team out in less than a day. 

"I owe you an apology, Mr. Levi. I've checked the files and you were right about it. We've sent out a team to investigate, I'm certain they'll come back with succesful results. " 

Levi looked unimpressed and completely unfazed. It was clear as a day Eren's words didn't affect him. " Can I eat this or what? " He said as he pointed at the plate. 

"Of course, sorry. " Eren said stratled. "I brought it for you, this time you should eat more than an apple, though. I hope you've realised I'm not trying to poison you. " 

Levi huffed and pulled the plate in front of him. 

"You are absolutely right, doc. " He said when he swallowed down some of the food. Eren carefully watched his adam's apple moving, too distracted to eat anything himself. Levi smirked and gave him a knowing look when he caught younger man watching. Eren felt heat spread through his cheeks and knew he was blushing like a teenager. 

"You defenitely owe me an apology. " Raven countinued. "You know what's the worst? You actually belived I killed families, innocent kids, and for what? To fulfill some of my sick fantasies? "

"I was wrong. " Eren said with a calm, yet remorseful voice. "I'm sorry. For everything. "  
"Exactly what are you sorry for, doc? "

"Lashing out on you, for the start. It should've never happend. I swear I have a better control of my emotions. "

"It's okay to have weaknesses, Eren. It's okay to care about someone, that's what makes us human. " When Levi was back at his cell yesterday, he felt an unusual pang of guilt in his chest. It was a feeling he wasn't familiar with at all, and it honestly scared him. He shouldn't give a shit about green eyed brat, he only meant trouble. He already told him way too much yesterday. 

"That's exactly what's wrong with it. " Eren said with a suddenly cold voice, filled with hardly surpressed sorrow. They both looked surprised at his words and older man wondered what was the story behind it. He didn't mention it again though.  
"It's okay, really. I said some harsh things as well. " Levi said.

Eren smiled at him. "Are you seriously trying to cheer me up right now? " Raven couldn't help but smile back at him. "Not even in your dreams, brat" he said, his eyes bright. 

"So, should I get ready for your accusing questions? " Levi asked.

"No, were not doing that until we get any information from the investigating team. "

"So what are we doing then? "

"How about we let you use the shower? " Levi's eyes widened. "Can we do that? " 

"Not really, no. But it was kind of my fault. "

"What the fuck do you mean by that? "

"I diagnosed your disorder some months ago. " He finally said with an unsure voice, like he actually regretted it.

"You what? " Levi just stared. He wondered how good this fucking kid actually was. He was particually careful not to show he was botheried by filth when they brought him in, yet Eren was able to see right through him. He was far dangerous and unpredictable than he looked at the beginning, he kept proving it day by day. It would've scared Levi if he wasn't seriously impressed by it.

"I diagnosed you, but I wasn't the one who got an idea of not allowing you to shower. I objected to it but.. It's not like I am in charge of any of the importnant decisions. " He answered. "So, what do you say? "  
Older man gave him a calculating look before he quickly grabbed a napking and wiped his hands in it as he finished eating. "Let's go. " He said.

Eren noded and led the way out. They didn't walk for a long time, going mostly through corridors Levi memorised a long time ago. They stopped in front of the light grey door and Eren opened it. As they walked in what appeared to be a massive bathroom, Levi realised it was completely empty and surprisingly clean. It had a dozen of wash basins and mirrors above them, on the other side were shelves, fully stacked with clean towels.. 

"I thought you'd want some privacy. It's a communal bathroom for employees who live there, but it's being used only in the evenings. " Eren aswered his questions before older man even had a chance to ask him about it.  
"I brought some fresh clothes with me. " He lifted the bag he was carrying with him. Levi nodded. There was an awkward silence, none of them knew what to say. 

"I'll just.. er.. wait here. Showers are in the next room. " He pointed on the door where Levi stood. "And toilets in another, next to it. " He said as he gave Levi the bag. 

The first thing Levi felt when the fall of water hit his back was a powerful sense of calmness. He almost forgot how it was, to be relaxed and care free under the shower. It felt incredible as all the filth ran in muddy streams down his body and disappeared into the drain. It was like all his worries, struggles and thoughts disappeared with it. He took his time, washing every part of body as the air around him became steamy. He then carefully washed his raven hair, fingers softly running through his black locks as he tried to untangle it. When he was satisfied with the cleanliness of his body, he closed the shower and dried himself, standing in front of a mirror for the first time in months. It was hard, looking at his changed features. His face lost some of it's vitality, too bony and pale looking, even for his naturally light skin. He felt used and mostly tired. It was that kind of tiredness that he couldn't just sleep throught and wake up full of new energy. No, it was the one that poisoned his bones and mind, making him feel weak and careless. He just wanted it all to stop. He reached his limit, Levi realised as he looked at the stranger in the mirror. He was lost inside of his mind for too long, surpressing every emotion that tried to break free. He was just a shadow of a person he once was. 

When Levi came out of the washroom, the first thing Eren thought about was that he looked… different. The harsh lines of his face softened, making him even more appealing. His ever so cautious eyes were calm and collected. Yet there was some kind of emptiness and sadness in them, something that didn't suit his features at all. It was like he finally gave up and accepted his fate of being stucked there for the rest of his life. Eren despised it, the weakness he saw in Levi's eyes. He despised people who did that to him, to all of them. He hated the fact he was a part of it even more. 

And he remembered Mikasa, Armin and others in their last days at the Penitentiary. How the place drained the life out of them until they couldn't take it anymore. How similar they looked like Levi did now. The whole place was poisoned, Eren knew that for a long time, but only now he realised he didn't want to be a part of it anymore. Staying here was a punishment for his actions, he belived that with all of his heart. There was just no way others would've accepted him if they knew what he did or who he really was.

So was he ready to risk it all for a dream of a better life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are much appreciated. 
> 
> Also shit's about to go down in the next chap. :))) See you next week! <3


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